At the Mental Load, there is one piece of advice I won’t be giving. I’m not going to tell you to ‘outsource’ house work, as if that is some magic elixir to find freedom from the mental load.
The honest truth is the mental load is ever present and we can never eradicate it entirely. All we can do is learn to manage it on our terms and minimize it’s impact. I have learned that removing one or two things from my to-do-list might give you an hour or two back in the week, but it is not a long-term solution. Without proper systems to manage all the factors that contribute to your mental load, you will quickly find yourself back where you started.
When looking for ways to alleviate the mental load, we often gravitate quickly to identify the big things – the housework tasks, the kids taxi service, the school forms piling up on the kitchen counter. It is easy to overlook the micro stressors and disruptions related or unrelated to these tasks.
Outsourcing housework may provide short-term relief, but it does not address the root causes of our mental load. In many cases, outsourcing can actually create more stress and anxiety, now we are worrying about the cost of the service or the quality of the work being done. Inevitably someone has to have a difficult conversation with the cleaner – and if you are like me, I can spend hours debating how and when to have that conversation.
To effectively manage our mental load, it is important to develop coping strategies that address the root causes of our stressors. This may include developing better time management skills, setting boundaries around work and personal life, and prioritizing self-care activities. By actively working to manage our mental load, we can reduce the impact of micro stressors and disruptions on our mental health and overall wellbeing. At Beyond the Mental Load, I my goal is to provide you with these resources to help you live a better life.
How micro stressors and micro disruptions contribute to the mental load
In our fast-paced and ever-changing world, we are constantly bombarded with a variety of stressors and disruptions that can affect our mental health and wellbeing. While major life events such as a job loss or a break-up can be clearly identified as stressful, it is often the small, everyday events that can have a cumulative impact on our mental load. These small stressors and disruptions, also known as micro stressors and micro disruptions, are often overlooked, but can have a significant impact on our mental health.
Micro stressors refer to the small, daily stressors that we encounter in our lives. Examples of micro stressors include getting stuck in traffic, dealing with difficult co-workers, or receiving an unexpected bill. Other examples include the call from the school in the middle of the day to collect little Joey or realizing lunchboxes are still on the kitchen counter after you’ve already dropped the kids at school! These stressors may seem minor on their own, but when they occur frequently, they can add up and create a significant mental load. Working mums experience significantly more micro stressors through the day, leading to a heavier mental load. Over time, the constant accumulation of micro stressors can lead to feelings of anxiety, irritability, and even burnout.
Similarly, micro disruptions refer to the small interruptions or distractions that we encounter throughout the day. Examples of micro disruptions include checking our phone during a meeting or getting interrupted by a co-worker while we are trying to focus on a task. My personal pet peeve is the multiple messages from multiple WhatsApp groups organizing the next get together, class fundraiser or sports event. The feeling of FOMO is real, we feel if we are not checking these ‘real time’, messages or not responding, we will somehow miss out. These disruptions can make it difficult to stay focused, our task list and day gets longer as we struggle to complete tasks adding to our mental load. Like micro stressors, the accumulation of micro disruptions can lead to feelings of overwhelm and burnout.
These micro stressors and disruptions impact our mental load through their cumulative effect. While a single micro stressor or disruption may not have a significant impact, the repeated exposure to these events can lead to a buildup of mental fatigue. This can make it more difficult to cope with stress and can also impact our ability to perform well in our daily lives.
In upcoming blogs I am going to explore many of these micro stressors and micro disruptions in detail – from managing the constant pings from the multiple WhatsApp groups – Kindy mums I have your back! – to managing your corporate inbox and calendar more effectively. With the right time management processes and structures in place and a little discipline, you will be amazed at how much freer you feel.
In searching for solutions to overcome my own mental load fatigue, I was frustrated to find that of all the solutions offered, none addressed these micro stressors and disruptions which are often not recognized or acknowledged. Perhaps this is because we are our own worse enemies. In this fast paced world, it is easy to see micro stressors and disruptions as a normal part of daily life. The impact of micro stressors and disruptions is compounded by the fact that they are often not recognized or acknowledged. As a result, you may not recognize the impact that these stressors are having on your mental health and the cumulative effect on your mental load.
Take your first step to addressing micro stressors and disruptions in your life
Now I’m going to ask you to do something for yourself. I want you to find 15-20 minutes in your day. Sit in a quiet place, with a notepad and pen (yes, I’m asking you to go analogue) and a timer. Set the timer and keep writing until the time allocated is up. I want you to write down all the micro stressors and disruptions you experienced so far today. If you get interrupted while you are doing this task, write that down too! Why am I asking you to commit and do this? Because we can’t fix what we can’t see.
We can’t mitigate the impact of micro stressors and disruptions on our mental health if we can’t see them. We have to name them and call them out for what they are. Some of the things on your list will be just ‘part of everyday life’ but some won’t be, and some of them don’t need to be. You might even want to categorise them into these groups. When you are finished, take the time to sit and be with your list. Reflect on the list and thing about how these things add to your mental load. I’m not asking you to do anything more with your list today. Just take the time to reflect, name and acknowledge these things. Baby steps.
It is important to recognize these micro stressors and micro distractions on our lives and take steps to manage them and their impact on our mental load. We all know that practicing mindfulness, setting boundaries, and prioritizing self-care are all key to managing the mental load. However, if you are anything like I was, the stupendous weight of the mental load at times made it almost impossible to find time to even try and put these things into practice.
At Beyond the Mental Load, I encourage everyone to focus on their mental health, but I won’t be blogging about mindfulness,. My particular focus on practical strategies, based on time management and productivity principles. My point of difference is that I translate these strategies – typically written by, and targeted to a middle-class white male – and apply them to the hectic world of working mothers. My desire is to develop practical strategies relevant to working mums. I want to show you how you can make small incremental changes to the way you do things that will reap huge rewards. With small changes and a bit of discipline, you can continue to climb your career ladder, be a better mum and find time back in your day for self-care activities.
I look forward to continuing this discussion with you.